How would you like your eggs?

Many of you in the St. Louis area already know about slingers, for those that don’t here’s a popular regional dish that we get to enjoy.

A regular slinger as offered up by Chili Mac’s (510 Pine, St. Louis) is two beef patties, a pile of sliced fried potatoes and two eggs (cooked to order, sort of) covered with chili, and served with two slices of toast. Okay, not exactly heart-healthy, but man oh man what a meal!

When I worked downtown Chili Mac’s was a frequent lunch destination. Located just a quick walk form Busch Stadium, the Arch, and many, many office buildings it was a delightful way to break up the day.

A bunch of the old team got together this week and decided to meet there for lunch. It’s a small, hole-in-the-wall, old style diner. The grill is right there behind the counter, the coffee’s always on and patrons squeeze by each other to move around. It’s narrow, cramped, busy and noisy. Chili Mac’s is only open breakfast thru lunch and the food is all-American greasy spoon fare.

The waitresses have been there since the nineteenth century and are friendly and infinitely teasable. They always like a good joke and they all have incredible memories. I’d only been there once in the past year and they still remembered me, by order and nuisance factor. I tease waitresses; I am my father’s son.

They knew I wanted the Junior Slinger, which is one beef patty and one egg, a slightly smaller pile of potatoes, covered in about a quart of their own chili, and two slices of toast. If you just have this with water it’ll put you out a paltry $5.98.

One of the things I started teasing them with a few years ago was my choice of egg preparation. The standard answers are of course, over medium, over easy, or hard. I found that boring. I have since responded to the question “How would you like your eggs?” with one or more of the following: “boiled”, “pickled”, “Easter”, or “Cooked in a nicer place.”

Knowing in advance that I’d be going and would be ordering the junior I felt it prudent to be prepared with fresh material. So I took a break from my normal activities and drew up a list of possible responses:

Deviled

Kosher

In one basket (not recommended)

Green

Campfire style (held over an open fire on a stick)

Julienned

Topless

Medium rare

Thrown at your car.

Slow roasted

Fertile

On the house

Exfoliated

Faberge

Yolks fried, whites scrambled.

Frozen

Tossed

Fermented

Water boarded

Foo-Young

Turgid

As seen on TV

Petrified

Humanely euthanized

On the rocks

Conflict free

Flambé

In the nude

Digestible

While intoxicated

Beveled

Sweet and sour

Suppository style

Shells only

Tattooed

On a clean plate

Consensual

Hung by the neck until dead, dead, dead!

Inside-out

Wearing a lacy bonnet

Folded and spindled, but not mutilated

Deloused

In the presence of my attorney

Straight

Beer battered and deep-fried

Dolphin free

Sanitized (for my protection)

Cremated

Warm and fuzzy

Bound and gagged

Just like last time, but without the toenail clippings.

And The number one way to order your eggs at Chili Mac’s: “Still in the chicken.”

Rather than choose just one, I pulled out the list and told her to stop me when I got to one they could handle. She rolled her eyes and listened to one or two, maybe three, I kept reading. She interrupted me and declared “You’re getting over medium, like it or not.”

Which is one of the things about this place, the eggs always seem to be over medium, regardless of how you order it.

Please feel free to use this list next time you are at Chili Mac’s, they all think it’s hilarious. And if you have suggestions for more ways to answer the question “How do you want your eggs?” let me know and I’ll update the list.

Seriously folks, if you haven't already, check out Chili Mac's. If I didn't love it I wouldn't keep going back. The food is great, the people are awesome. Just never, ever ever tell them I said so.